The wonders of Water

I’m sitting in this awful class talking about the Clean Water Act in relation to a case study we were presented with about the Appalachia community. This community is drowning in dirty water to some up the case study...you are probably wondering why I’m talking about water, well lets face it we can’t breathe under water without a oxygen tank. Breathe the AIR is all about letting go and taking the weight off of you when you let your voice fly. Water is strong, gentle, but if you can’t swim, don’t tread water.

Before the weight was lifted off my chest, my lungs weren’t filling up with water, but I still felt like I was drowning. They were filled with the past, the awful memories (the ones had), confusion, and fear. Finally when I got that slap on the back pushing the crap out, my lungs began to clear up, it took time but now they cancer free of the past.
I learned to swim when I was three years old, swimming was never the issue. I was forced to keep a secret, one that anchored me down to the deepest and darkest places in the ocean. To me it’s ironic that the deepest part of the ocean is below that of the Dead Sea, if only my anchors could float as I would in the “Killer Ocean.” These anchors weren’t to keep me from moving but just weighed me down.
Keeping a secret is hard. Even the petty school girl secrets about who likes who are hard to keep but when you are keeping a secret that changes the whole dynamic of your life, where do you start with that? Well I started with paper, my words were the heaviest paper weight one could ask for, not that I know too many people that ask for paper weights but you get the point. My point...my words were strong.
How do you say that your dad raped you lightly? You can’t. Now you know my anchor, but now you know I threw it all over board and let it sink. So be like water, be gentle and strong, gentle enough to follow the natural paths of earth but be strong enough to rise up and reshape the world. I hope that my throwing my anchor overboard that it made it dent in this earth and that I will be change in the world...

OT + Breathe the AIR = A positive future.

Once I finally hacked up the history that was lodged in my throat and was able to breathe, I came to the conclusion that my past was not going to define who I would be who I am. I also thought that other people needed to hear this as well.

When I decided to start Breathe the AIR I was finishing up the missing puzzle pieces from transferring to a different university. Not all of my class quite fit together so I need a few more. I was going to school part time this semester simply because thats number of pieces I needed to move forward, I was about to enter my hardest semesters in college, otherwise known as junior year of occupational therapy.
Time management had to become a skill in order to accomplish everything that I set myself up to do. It was much harder then it sounded like but now that I’m in the professional phase of this 5.5 year entry level Master’s program, I started to wonder how I was going to be able to tie my two separate lives at the time together…
Not everyone understands the concept of occupational therapy, OT is much more than what people give it credit for and there’s no universal definition of what it is. Throughout this horridness junior year, I’ve learned a lot (which I would hope I would do since I pay QU $40,000/year) and have been able to discover a link between my organization and my career choice. OTs can really work with any population it just comes down to payment and for the time being I’ll worry about that when it comes time.
I made the decision that I will be going into a metal health setting so I can merge my two lives together. Mental health is a challenge but one I’m willing to take on. The American Occupational Therapy Association recently launched a position paper on how OT can be used to treat those who have been trough domestic violence, well sexual abuse is on the same spectrum as DV. Perfect, AOTA is already making strides to what I hope is a new development by the time I graduate.
School is no joke, and attempting to keep up with my organization while taking 18+ credit semesters is a juggling act, and I admit I can’t juggle but I guess when you are throwing multiple objects in the air while catching and throwing them I can manage school and a non-profit. It may be not be with grace (I’m clumsy) but it’s always about the journey right?

Breathing...essential to life.

Although I have plenty of studying to do with finals right around the corner, my thoughts that feel the need to be put on paper never pick very convenient times. I found this the night before I spoke at Calais and Woodland High Schools: 

I thought it describe what I’ve been trying to do perfectly.  As many know, I’ve created my own non-profit and named it Breathe the AIR (abuse, incest, rape) with the motto of “let your voice fly.”  

This quote made so much sense, I started thinking, metaphorically I held my breath for 7 years.  It took me 7 years to let me my voice fly and even then it had to be pushed out of me but once it was I guess you can say I haven’t shut up.  

I was laying in bed one night unable to sleep a little over a year ago and decided I was going to start my own non-profit.  It had been over 6 months since the sentencing of my biological father, he was found guilty on 18 counts of gross sexual assault, I testified.  But back to the non-profit, I some how came up with Breathe the AIR, I think because I finally felt like I could breath, this huge weight was lifted not off my shoulders but my chest, freeing my body to release everything it had to build up inside.  I then decided the motto was “let your voice fly” partially because who has never thought of flying and second I believed that my voice would travel and reach people that needed to hear someone else’s story before they shared their own.  Hey, it worked, after only speaking a couple of times, I had victims of abuse telling me that they believed they were now survivors.  This is music to my ears. 

The whole mission behind my non-profit was let others know that it is okay to breathe and to release whatever they built up inside.  Are you still holding your breath? 

It was 7 long years that I held mine.  The last couple were particularly hard because I was older 15, 16, 17 years old, I knew what was happening was wrong but I thought that someone else is worse off than me, and I was afraid.  I didn’t want to be judged by being the kid that was abused so there must be something wrong with me.  I now know that was never the case, I was manipulated by someone I should of been able to trust, it happens in most cases.  I could ramble off statistics but for anyone that has heard me speak you will know I will never consider myself a number.  I know that numbers tell a powerful story but I can also tell a powerful story without them.  

I don’t believe this is an appropriate time to tell that story but one day it will all come together.  So instead, I hope that Breathe the AIR will taking off flying and some how I grow wings and can keep up.  Are you still holding your breath? Come breathe with Breathe the AIR.